Last week for Ash Wednesday I walked to church in the dark. Now it’s not normally something I’d do, but I couldn’t use the car because the amount of petrol in it had to last until the end of the week. I wasn’t amazingly happy about this because I hardly drive the car, in fact I drive it once a week on a Sunday morning. For the rest of the week I walk everywhere and get the train to university. Anyway, I left the house in a huff. I had 25 mins to get from one side of Ashton to the other.
Usually I would walk with my headphones in but at night I thought this would not be that wise or safe. So I walked through the eerie quiet of the town centre. It seemed very dark in places and very still. I began to feel a little uneasy. Does church really mean that much to me that I am happy to walk there in the dark, alone?
As I walked through the light provided by the streetlights, I noticed I had two shadows on the floor. This was probably because of the angles of the different light sources, my GCSE A in science was coming in very useful! However as I left the town the lights became less frequent and it became quite dark. I looked at the floor and I still had two shadows. I started praying in my mind over and over again, Lord please keep me safe.
It became darker still towards the entrance to the park where the church is, but I still had two shadows. I quickly looked over my shoulder but there was no one there. As I reached the church I had an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness and relief. I knew Jesus had been walking with me by my side.
I realised that no matter how difficult or scary this journey is, in following Jesus’s call on my life he is there every step of the way. When I’m feeling scared or anxious about leading he is stood there with me holding me up. When I’m on my knees with my face covered he’s there ready to help me up.
This journey to BAP is flexing my already broken bits of me, the cracks that have been filled have started to open again. My brokenness on display, my neediness to rely on the Lord visible to all. If Christ can be seen in me, it will be through my cracks, my ability to keep going with his strength, to keep serving those who I irritate with a smile on my face, to extend a listening ear to those who are also broken too, to spread his good news to those who have none.
No matter what happens, what outcome BAP might bring, I will always have two shadows, and one is from the man who saved me.